He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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