I am spending my child support on dildos
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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