I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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