dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
