bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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