Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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