you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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