Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you had me at cake vodka
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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