Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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