Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
