maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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