i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
