Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
