I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
