I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
