Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
