ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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