I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
