she woke up with a sticky ear
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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