if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
