So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
4 words: hood of his car
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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