i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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