My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
