i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
