Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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