I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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