just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
