Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
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my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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