I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
