honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I didn't shave. On purpose
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
