I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
