I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
