Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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