We named our party play list daddy issues
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
