he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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