take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
