No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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