No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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