she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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