i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
