Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
