Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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