I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
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