She went from zero to smokin in five shots
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
