We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
