btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
