so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
