Plan B is the new Plan A
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
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u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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