eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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