to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't deserve a penis
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
