Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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