Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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