ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
