At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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