I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
