I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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