Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
