she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
