Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
