God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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