Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
