so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
