Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
