I puked a lego.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
