im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
