it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
