peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize